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1 | --- | ||
2 | title: Am I transgender? | ||
3 | x-toc-enable: true | ||
4 | ... | ||
5 | |||
6 | Introduction | ||
7 | ============ | ||
8 | |||
9 | This is actually a really difficult question to answer. Only you can | ||
10 | know. We plan to later add a bunch of info here about how other people | ||
11 | realize they're trans, and links to stories about people's | ||
12 | experiences, which may help. For now, this section is more or less | ||
13 | empty. | ||
14 | |||
15 | Someone did make this site, which might be useful to you: (it's not a | ||
16 | questionnaire): <http://amitransgender.com/> | ||
17 | |||
18 | Here is [a map of gender-diverse | ||
19 | cultures](http://www.pbs.org/independentlens/content/two-spirits_map-html/). | ||
20 | |||
21 | [Yes, you are 'trans enough' to be | ||
22 | transgender!](http://www.pbs.org/independentlens/content/two-spirits_map-html/) | ||
23 | |||
24 | No, really. | ||
25 | [You are trans enough to be trans!](http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mia-violet/yes-youre-trans-enough-to_b_9318754.html) | ||
26 | |||
27 | NOTE: If you find questionnaires online, please remember that they are | ||
28 | all BULLSHIT. OK? | ||
29 | |||
30 | **IT'S OK TO BE TRANS!** | ||
31 | |||
32 | Don't feel like a woman or a man? Do you feel like you are neither or both, or that you switch between them, etc? | ||
33 | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ | ||
34 | |||
35 | You could be *non-binary*. We have information about this scattered | ||
36 | throughout the website. | ||
37 | |||
38 | [3 Simple Steps to Recognizing the Existence of Non-Binary | ||
39 | People](http://everydayfeminism.com/2016/11/recognizing-non-binary-people/) | ||
40 | |||
41 | Are you intersex? | ||
42 | ----------------- | ||
43 | |||
44 | Intersex people can also be trans. Remember, being trans simply means | ||
45 | that you disagree with or do not fully agree with your assigned birth | ||
46 | gender. | ||
47 | |||
48 | Reading material | ||
49 | ---------------- | ||
50 | |||
51 | There are some books on the topic, which may help you. Note that some of | ||
52 | them only cover particular types of trans people, e.g. only trans women. | ||
53 | |||
54 | ### Whipping Girl | ||
55 | |||
56 | This is a very good book, and is often used in Gender Studies courses at | ||
57 | universities these days. | ||
58 | |||
59 | ### Gender Outlaw | ||
60 | |||
61 | Another good book. | ||
62 | |||
63 | You can probably find these books on Amazon or something, or at your | ||
64 | local library maybe. Or\... on some other place on the internet, | ||
65 | perhaps. E.g. eBook. | ||
66 | |||
67 | ### The Null HypotheCis | ||
68 | |||
69 | An article on the web, which may be useful for those who are still questioning: | ||
70 | |||
71 | [The Null HypotheCis](https://freethoughtblogs.com/nataliereed/2012/04/17/the-null-hypothecis/) | ||
72 | |||
73 | You might be asking questions like\.... | ||
74 | |||
75 | How did I not know? | ||
76 | ------------------- | ||
77 | |||
78 | In short, you are a victim of an extreme form of propaganda and | ||
79 | brainwashing that enforces belief in what we call the *gender binary*. | ||
80 | This is the idea that there are only 2 genders (male and female) and | ||
81 | that there is no variation between them or that people can't switch | ||
82 | between them. You probably weren't taught about transgender issues in | ||
83 | school at all, and nobody in your family or social group told you about | ||
84 | it. You may have simply stumbled on it by accident and realized that it | ||
85 | answered all of your questions; before now, you knew you were | ||
86 | *different* but you didn't know why. | ||
87 | |||
88 | You were born, and you were told you were <insert gender>. You | ||
89 | were then given toys, friends and a social upbringing in that gender | ||
90 | that the doctor chose for you. | ||
91 | |||
92 | The doctor decided your gender based on your genitalia. This is a common | ||
93 | - and wrong - practise. | ||
94 | |||
95 | Society taught you that only men and women exist. It probably didn't | ||
96 | teach you about the existence of non-binary people (if you came out to | ||
97 | yourself as non-binary, for instance). | ||
98 | |||
99 | You were taught to live as a man, or to live as a woman. | ||
100 | |||
101 | You felt weird. You felt different. You were unhappy, and you didn't | ||
102 | know why. It may have been mild enough that you were able to ignore it. | ||
103 | |||
104 | *You may have been aware at a younger age, but your brain suppressed it. | ||
105 | When the brain detects danger, it shuts itself down to protect you from | ||
106 | harm. Your gender was incompatible with your body, and you suppressed | ||
107 | it.* | ||
108 | |||
109 | You were repressed. You never learned about gender dysphoria (or gender | ||
110 | euphoria) at school. Your school probably only taught you that men are | ||
111 | men, women are women and that they make babies. | ||
112 | |||
113 | A world was pulled over your eyes, which you did not belong in, but you | ||
114 | were able to cope. | ||
115 | |||
116 | Until now. | ||
117 | |||
118 | [This article explains the problem in a lot more | ||
119 | detail](http://www.tranarchism.com/2010/11/26/not-your-moms-trans-101/) | ||
120 | - from birth, you were forced (yes, forced) to fit into a certain binary | ||
121 | gender, probably based on your genitalia. If you were unlucky, the | ||
122 | doctor might have seen that you were intersex with ambiguous genitalia | ||
123 | and they might have decided to perform surgery on you to "fix" you (in | ||
124 | other words, mutilate you). | ||
125 | |||
126 | How can I be trans if I realized so late? | ||
127 | ----------------------------------------- | ||
128 | |||
129 | Contrary to what you might have otherwise heard, most trans people | ||
130 | actually don't realize they're trans until they're in their 20s, 30s | ||
131 | or 40s or older. Some people realize when they're in their 70s. | ||
132 | |||
133 | A few realize in teens. Some repress it, and others don't and then try | ||
134 | to cope. | ||
135 | |||
136 | Most people don't realize that they're trans before teenage years. | ||
137 | |||
138 | There are all kinds of triggers that lead to a person realizing that | ||
139 | they're trans. | ||
140 | |||
141 | This can result in extreme euphoria, for some individuals, because for | ||
142 | the first time in their life they finally understand their feelings and | ||
143 | finally feel at peace knowing who they are. | ||
144 | |||
145 | And then the adventure begins\... | ||
146 | |||
147 | What if this is just a sexual fetish and I'm not actually trans? | ||
148 | ----------------------------------------------------------------- | ||
149 | |||
150 | *Some* people in the community will wrongly tell you that getting | ||
151 | aroused about your appearance means you're not trans. This is *false*. | ||
152 | |||
153 | Gatekeepers sometimes use autogynephilia (loving of oneself as a woman) | ||
154 | or autoandrophilia (love of oneself as a man) | ||
155 | as an excuse to try and | ||
156 | convince a trans person that they are not trans. Gatekeeping is | ||
157 | transphobic by nature. (we are not currently aware of a term for | ||
158 | non-binary people, so for now we'll use the term autophillia. the | ||
159 | term skoliosexual also refers to attraction to non-binary people, so | ||
160 | the term autoskoliosexual could be used). | ||
161 | |||
162 | Being sexually attracted to yourself as a particular gender does not | ||
163 | invalidate your existence as that gender. It's a common theme in | ||
164 | sexuality, and it has zero relevance to your gender identity and/or | ||
165 | expression. Just as there are some people who are not sexually attracted | ||
166 | to anyone, not even themselves. | ||
167 | |||
168 | Any sexual fetishes that you have are also fine. It's common for | ||
169 | people to have | ||
170 | sexual fetishes. There are a great many of them out there, and an | ||
171 | entire internet dedicated to them ;) | ||
172 | |||
173 | None of this has anything to do with your gender identity | ||
174 | and/or expression. All it means is | ||
175 | that you have a fetish, and/or you are attracted to yourself, and there is | ||
176 | absolutely nothing wrong with that at all. The reality is that lots of people | ||
177 | are just like you, but lots of people repress it because we don't yet live | ||
178 | in an open-minded society that accepts diversity. | ||
179 | |||
180 | There is something wrong with anyone who says anything different than the | ||
181 | above, but there's nothing wrong with *you* at all. | ||
182 | |||
183 | But I like men/women/both, am I not just gay/bi? Maybe I'm just sexually frustrated? | ||
184 | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | ||
185 | |||
186 | Actually, trans people can be heterosexual, gay or bi. It's totally fine! | ||
187 | |||
188 | [Sexuality and gender identity/expression are NOT the same | ||
189 | thing!](sexuality.md) | ||
190 | |||
191 | What if I'm just autistic / have Asperger's syndrome / are neurologically diverse? | ||
192 | ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | ||
193 | |||
194 | A lot of trans people when they are young start becoming unruly at | ||
195 | school, misbehaving a lot and throwing tantrums, etc. | ||
196 | |||
197 | A lot of trans people actually are autistic. A trans person can be | ||
198 | autistic, just like a cis person. It isn't really anything special. | ||
199 | |||
200 | It's possible to be autistic and still be trans. | ||
201 | |||
202 | On the other hand, difficulty interacting with people and social anxiety | ||
203 | and discomfort in public, shutting down etc, can be caused by dysphoria | ||
204 | too. | ||
205 | |||
206 | Many parents try to convince their child that they are just autistic and | ||
207 | not trans, after their children come out. Parents: please don't. You | ||
208 | might screw your kid up. Let them explore their identity, OK? | ||
209 | |||
210 | But I don't have dysphoria. How can I be trans? | ||
211 | ---------------------------------------------- | ||
212 | |||
213 | Actually, this is OK. Not all trans people suffer gender dysphoria. Some | ||
214 | people only have gender *euphoria* | ||
215 | |||
216 | We have a [page documenting this](gender-euphoria.md). | ||
217 | |||
218 | I've already been diagnosed as neurologically or functionally diverse. Am I still trans? | ||
219 | ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | ||
220 | |||
221 | Trans people can have mental health conditions, just like cis people. | ||
222 | Cis people do not have a monopoly on mental health conditions! | ||
223 | |||
224 | People with schizophrenia are often accused of being delusional or | ||
225 | possibly confused when they come out as trans. *This is disgusting. | ||
226 | Schizophrenia has nothing to do with gender identity, nor does any other | ||
227 | mental health issue, and being transgender is not a mental health | ||
228 | condition!* | ||
229 | |||
230 | And the classic question\... | ||
231 | |||
232 | What if I'm not trans? | ||
233 | ----------------------- | ||
234 | |||
235 | Cis people don't realize they're trans, because they're not trans. If | ||
236 | you're *worried* that you might not be trans, then to be honest you | ||
237 | probably are, but it's always good to question yourself and be sure. | ||
238 | There is no rush to do anything, unless you want to or need to. | ||
239 | |||
240 | If you find yourself questioning your gender and feel like the one the | ||
241 | doctors assigned you is false, then you probably are. | ||
242 | |||
243 | **Only you can know whether you're trans.** | ||
244 | |||
245 | If you later find out that you're not trans, then it doesn't matter! | ||
246 | TransChation is mostly reversible, despite what many people say. | ||
247 | |||
248 | You might come out to yourself as binary trans (trans man or trans | ||
249 | woman), and if you later discover that you're *not trans*, it could be | ||
250 | alternatively that you are non-binary. It's actually very common for | ||
251 | people to come out as trans man/woman, but then later realize that | ||
252 | they're non-binary. This is OK! | ||
253 | |||
254 | It's OK to explore yourself, really! You don't have to be trans! You | ||
255 | don't have to be cis either! Just keep an open mind, and keep exploring | ||
256 | your identity, your life and your place in the world. You will surely | ||
257 | find the answers, but you have to dig deep into yourself. | ||
258 | |||
259 | Part of coming out to yourself as trans is (in many cases) undoing a lot | ||
260 | of psychological trauma suffered over the years, and undoing a lot of | ||
261 | repression. You will likely be *tripping* over yourself, for many months | ||
262 | or years. | ||
263 | |||
264 | It can be scary to come out to oneself. For the first time in your life, | ||
265 | you're being honest with yourself and truly exploring yourself. The | ||
266 | best thing to do is to try to be calm. You'll be surprised what you | ||
267 | find, when you really look inwards on yourself. | ||
268 | |||