path: root/site/amitrans.md

---
title: Am I transgender?
x-toc-enable: true
...

Introduction
============

This is actually a really difficult question to answer. Only you can
know. We plan to later add a bunch of info here about how other people
realize they're trans, and links to stories about people's
experiences, which may help. For now, this section is more or less
empty.

Someone did make this site, which might be useful to you: (it's not a
questionnaire): <http://amitransgender.com/>

Here is [a map of gender-diverse
cultures](http://www.pbs.org/independentlens/content/two-spirits_map-html/).

[Yes, you are 'trans enough' to be
transgender!](http://www.pbs.org/independentlens/content/two-spirits_map-html/)

No, really.
[You are trans enough to be trans!](http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mia-violet/yes-youre-trans-enough-to_b_9318754.html)

NOTE: If you find questionnaires online, please remember that they are
all BULLSHIT. OK?

**IT'S OK TO BE TRANS!**

Don't feel like a woman or a man? Do you feel like you are neither or both, or that you switch between them, etc?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You could be *non-binary*. We have information about this scattered
throughout the website.

[3 Simple Steps to Recognizing the Existence of Non-Binary
People](http://everydayfeminism.com/2016/11/recognizing-non-binary-people/)

Are you intersex?
-----------------

Intersex people can also be trans. Remember, being trans simply means
that you disagree with or do not fully agree with your assigned birth
gender.

Reading material
----------------

There are some books on the topic, which may help you. Note that some of
them only cover particular types of trans people, e.g. only trans women.

### Whipping Girl

This is a very good book, and is often used in Gender Studies courses at
universities these days.

### Gender Outlaw

Another good book.

You can probably find these books on Amazon or something, or at your
local library maybe. Or\... on some other place on the internet,
perhaps. E.g. eBook.

### The Null HypotheCis

An article on the web, which may be useful for those who are still questioning:

[The Null HypotheCis](https://freethoughtblogs.com/nataliereed/2012/04/17/the-null-hypothecis/)

You might be asking questions like\....

How did I not know?
-------------------

In short, you are a victim of an extreme form of propaganda and
brainwashing that enforces belief in what we call the *gender binary*.
This is the idea that there are only 2 genders (male and female) and
that there is no variation between them or that people can't switch
between them. You probably weren't taught about transgender issues in
school at all, and nobody in your family or social group told you about
it. You may have simply stumbled on it by accident and realized that it
answered all of your questions; before now, you knew you were
*different* but you didn't know why.

You were born, and you were told you were &lt;insert gender&gt;. You
were then given toys, friends and a social upbringing in that gender
that the doctor chose for you.

The doctor decided your gender based on your genitalia. This is a common
- and wrong - practise.

Society taught you that only men and women exist. It probably didn't
teach you about the existence of non-binary people (if you came out to
yourself as non-binary, for instance).

You were taught to live as a man, or to live as a woman.

You felt weird. You felt different. You were unhappy, and you didn't
know why. It may have been mild enough that you were able to ignore it.

*You may have been aware at a younger age, but your brain suppressed it.
When the brain detects danger, it shuts itself down to protect you from
harm. Your gender was incompatible with your body, and you suppressed
it.*

You were repressed. You never learned about gender dysphoria (or gender
euphoria) at school. Your school probably only taught you that men are
men, women are women and that they make babies.

A world was pulled over your eyes, which you did not belong in, but you
were able to cope.

Until now.

[This article explains the problem in a lot more
detail](http://www.tranarchism.com/2010/11/26/not-your-moms-trans-101/)
- from birth, you were forced (yes, forced) to fit into a certain binary
gender, probably based on your genitalia. If you were unlucky, the
doctor might have seen that you were intersex with ambiguous genitalia
and they might have decided to perform surgery on you to "fix" you (in
other words, mutilate you).

How can I be trans if I realized so late?
-----------------------------------------

Contrary to what you might have otherwise heard, most trans people
actually don't realize they're trans until they're in their 20s, 30s
or 40s or older. Some people realize when they're in their 70s.

A few realize in teens. Some repress it, and others don't and then try
to cope.

Most people don't realize that they're trans before teenage years.

There are all kinds of triggers that lead to a person realizing that
they're trans.

This can result in extreme euphoria, for some individuals, because for
the first time in their life they finally understand their feelings and
finally feel at peace knowing who they are.

And then the adventure begins\...

What if this is just a sexual fetish and I'm not actually trans?
-----------------------------------------------------------------

*Some* people in the community will wrongly tell you that getting
aroused about your appearance means you're not trans. This is *false*.

Gatekeepers sometimes use autogynephilia (loving of oneself as a woman)
or autoandrophilia (love of oneself as a man)
as an excuse to try and
convince a trans person that they are not trans. Gatekeeping is
transphobic by nature. (we are not currently aware of a term for
non-binary people, so for now we'll use the term autophillia. the
term skoliosexual also refers to attraction to non-binary people, so
the term autoskoliosexual could be used).

Being sexually attracted to yourself as a particular gender does not
invalidate your existence as that gender. It's a common theme in
sexuality, and it has zero relevance to your gender identity and/or
expression. Just as there are some people who are not sexually attracted
to anyone, not even themselves.

Any sexual fetishes that you have are also fine. It's common for
people to have
sexual fetishes. There are a great many of them out there, and an
entire internet dedicated to them ;)

None of this has anything to do with your gender identity
and/or expression. All it means is
that you have a fetish, and/or you are attracted to yourself, and there is
absolutely nothing wrong with that at all. The reality is that lots of people
are just like you, but lots of people repress it because we don't yet live
in an open-minded society that accepts diversity.

There is something wrong with anyone who says anything different than the
above, but there's nothing wrong with *you* at all.

But I like men/women/both, am I not just gay/bi? Maybe I'm just sexually frustrated?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Actually, trans people can be heterosexual, gay or bi. It's totally fine!

[Sexuality and gender identity/expression are NOT the same
thing!](sexuality.md)

What if I'm just autistic / have Asperger's syndrome / are neurologically diverse?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A lot of trans people when they are young start becoming unruly at
school, misbehaving a lot and throwing tantrums, etc.

A lot of trans people actually are autistic. A trans person can be
autistic, just like a cis person. It isn't really anything special.

It's possible to be autistic and still be trans.

On the other hand, difficulty interacting with people and social anxiety
and discomfort in public, shutting down etc, can be caused by dysphoria
too.

Many parents try to convince their child that they are just autistic and
not trans, after their children come out. Parents: please don't. You
might screw your kid up. Let them explore their identity, OK?

But I don't have dysphoria. How can I be trans?
----------------------------------------------

Actually, this is OK. Not all trans people suffer gender dysphoria. Some
people only have gender *euphoria*

We have a [page documenting this](gender-euphoria.md).

I've already been diagnosed as neurologically or functionally diverse. Am I still trans?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Trans people can have mental health conditions, just like cis people.
Cis people do not have a monopoly on mental health conditions!

People with schizophrenia are often accused of being delusional or
possibly confused when they come out as trans. *This is disgusting.
Schizophrenia has nothing to do with gender identity, nor does any other
mental health issue, and being transgender is not a mental health
condition!*

And the classic question\...

What if I'm not trans?
-----------------------

Cis people don't realize they're trans, because they're not trans. If
you're *worried* that you might not be trans, then to be honest you
probably are, but it's always good to question yourself and be sure.
There is no rush to do anything, unless you want to or need to.

If you find yourself questioning your gender and feel like the one the
doctors assigned you is false, then you probably are.

**Only you can know whether you're trans.**

If you later find out that you're not trans, then it doesn't matter!
TransChation is mostly reversible, despite what many people say.

You might come out to yourself as binary trans (trans man or trans
woman), and if you later discover that you're *not trans*, it could be
alternatively that you are non-binary. It's actually very common for
people to come out as trans man/woman, but then later realize that
they're non-binary. This is OK!

It's OK to explore yourself, really! You don't have to be trans! You
don't have to be cis either! Just keep an open mind, and keep exploring
your identity, your life and your place in the world. You will surely
find the answers, but you have to dig deep into yourself.

Part of coming out to yourself as trans is (in many cases) undoing a lot
of psychological trauma suffered over the years, and undoing a lot of
repression. You will likely be *tripping* over yourself, for many months
or years.

It can be scary to come out to oneself. For the first time in your life,
you're being honest with yourself and truly exploring yourself. The
best thing to do is to try to be calm. You'll be surprised what you
find, when you really look inwards on yourself.